"No! Why?!?"

Here are a few sample conversations I've been having with my two year old over the last few days (repeatedly):

Me- "Jack, please turn off your engine."
Jack- "No! Why?!"

Me- "Jack, we don't kick Stelly!  You need to apologize and give her a hug right now!"
Jack- "No! Why?!"

Me- "We do not throw things."
Jack- "No! Why?"

And he says it in this whiny voice…

(Oh and in the photo on the right, that is his pouty lip not his tongue.)

I knew that the "Why's" would start sooner or later but I was anticipating these really cute why questions like "Why is the sky blue?" or "Why is the elephants nose so long?"  Oh no no no how wrong I was!  Amazing how obstinate a toddler can be.

Also…whomever suggested that a nap can fix any mood is full of it!  The above picture outlines Jack's mood post nap.

However the tales of the "terrible two," spot on!

Ok, end of rant :)

Lindsey

B.V. 2 .0

I have really missed blogging.  Part of me has been feeling uninspired to write.  Another part of me sometimes feels like what I have to say is irrelevant.  But then I remembered WHY I started blogging…for myself.  So that I had these written memories of what is going on in our lives during an ever changing period.  And while I blabber on about random moments in my life, I hope that a few other people out there enjoy hearing about the occasional day in the life of me.

So what's new in our life….Well…We are expecting Baby V #2!!!

I am 10 weeks today (yay hopefully only 3 more weeks of feeling like crap!).  Now technically you shouldn't make the "official" public announcement until 13 weeks BUT I figure only about 9 people actually read this blog sooooo not that big of a deal!

Round 2 has been similar and yet so very different.  A lot of the symptoms I had with Jack have unfortunately reared their ugly heads again but other than that I feel so different.  It's taken a while for this one to sink in.  I figured after our first appointment at 8 weeks and getting to see the little bean, it would hit me…nope, life continues to march on and I have to remind myself that there is a baby in there!

I remember after I found out I was pregnant with Jack, I felt like a was this delicate flower that needed to be carefully tended to (HA).  I was anxiously reading the books (weeks in advance!), scouring the internet, planning a nursery, monitor all foods and products that came in contact with my body, overall stressing about every.little.thing.  This time around, eh, not so much.

The novelty is gone.  It's amazing, I've only done this once before but man do I feel like an old pro.  I'm cautiously waiting for something unexpected to throw a curveball at me just to get me to wake up.

So here we go again!  I'm REALLY going to try and not be a parent who documents every moment in the first child's life and the second only gets an honorable mention so back to blogging I go :)

Lindsey

(P.S. I have like 8 posts I've written the past in 3 months that I may be publishing so my timeline may be a bit out of order :))

Top 10 of 12

(During my blogging hiatus, I did some writing but just failed to publish anything…this would be one of those posts.)

I did this for 2010 and found that it was easy to reflect and be excited about the year gone by.  Last year around this time, I was not in the best place.  I had just welcomed my beautiful boy into the world in 2011 but I struggled to find an abundance of positive to write about.  In the ebb and flow of life, it was definitely an ebb year.

However, as we wrap up 2012, I find myself in better place and feeling very positive about the last 12 months.  So here it is, our top 10 memories of 2012 (in no particular order)!

1. Marriage- This is the thing I am most proud of in the year of 2012. Justin, we have come so far together and I want to thank you for growing with me and accepting the person I am today.  I love you. 

2. Nicole - My BFF of 25 years played a big role in my life this year.  Early in the summer she announced she is expecting her first child (YAY!).  In October, she a made a quick trip to Denver to surprise me for my birthday. And in December I went back to IL to be a co-host at her baby shower…a great honor.  My bestie is a beautiful person, inside and out, and I am thankful for all the years of friendship.

3. Kearney St- If you had told me a year ago we would be closing out 2012 in a new home I would have laughed.  But we did it and it feels great to be back in the city. I finally feel…at home.

4. Frequent Flier Miles- This was the year of travel!  Too bad you can't acquire frequent flier miles for a lap child because Jack flew 7 times this year (4 Illinois, 2 Florida, 1 Oregon)!  I'm sure next year when we have to start paying for his seat that number will be scaled way back.

5. Cruise/Diving- In March, we went on a cruise with my Mom and Gram.  While in Bonaire, J and I went scuba diving.  I was very timid to take this adventure but in the end I LOVED it and can't wait until we are able to go again.

6. Florida- We took our annual trip to Florida in October and my Dad was nice enough to join us for part of the trip.  I will always cherish the memory of watching my Dad and Jack play on the shore.

7. Moscow Mule (yum!)

8. Montessori School- Jack started "school" in August and I think it was the best thing we could have done for him.  He has found a place where he can start to learn to be himself, independant of me.  He is making friends (literally if you ask him about his friends at school he will say "Jude" and "Jack"!).  He is also doing great on potty training and cleaning up after himself.

9. Christmas Eve Dinner- Through the years, we have hosted several holiday meals but I have never been much help in the kitchen, the responsibility usually lands on J.  But not this year!  The Kamis family brought over a delicious and juicy turkey and the rest was up to me and in my opinion I nailed it.  But the most memorable part was having my Gram as my sous chef.  She was by my side through the whole thing and I think she even learned a few things ;) PS It was A LOT of work!

10. Being better at being me- I know it is fleeting.  I will constantly need to adjust to the changes in my life but for a short while it felt great having confidence in my self as a mother, wife and woman.

Lindsey

21 Months

(During my blogging hiatus, I did write but just failed to publish…this {obviously} would be one of those entries.)

Bubba is a little past 21 months.  So much has been happening lately that I needed to write just so that I can remember his accomplishments.

Every night this week I have incorporated going to the potty before he gets dressed for bed, each time he went.  Yesterday, he told me once during the day he needed to go and today three times!  I'm so proud of him. I don't expect him to be out of diapers anytime soon but in my eyes this is a major step.Thank you Montessori school for planting the seed =)

What else….

* The other day he got frustrated and hit me.  He immediately turned back around and said "Sorry" and gave me a big hug.
* I was putting him to bed and we were having our usual evening conversation.  He kept repeating a word and doing a sign that looked like "drink".  After a few moments, it clicked for me.  He was saying giraffe and doing the sign!  I think I was way more excited than he was.
* He is REALLY into trains.  It's really amazing how the love for trains, cars, airplanes, etc are almost ingrained in a little boy.
* When I see him next to J, I see so many similarities.  But I am beginning to notice more of my own traits in his personality.  When he eats, he requests a napkin because he doesn't like his hands dirty.  And he is very into cleaning (YAY!!!).  When I was vacuuming today, he immediately got his vacuum out and followed me all around the house vacuuming too.  And tonight, he got an early Christmas present full of books.  When he was done with them he put them all back in the box they came in and pushed the box of to the side.  I, personally, absolutely love that he knows his things have a certain place and when he's done he knows that his toys need to go back.
* When it's time to leave the house, he goes to his cubby to get his hat and then he will bring our shoes to us!
* His ability to use Apple products ASTOUNDS me.
* When he gets upset and doesn't want to be bothered, he will give you this disgusted look and say "Bye Bye!!!" as if to dismiss you!

I'm really looking forward to Christmas with a toddler!!!

Lindsey

Empty Beds

On Friday, December 14, 2012, the news came in early and only grew worse as the hours passed.  20 children (all only 6 and 7 years old) and six teachers were shot and killed in an elementary school in Connecticut.  26 lost and gone forever.


I want to be angry.  I want to have a reason, something to blame for this.  But I know in my heart this is just the reality of our world.  And I am even more sadden by the fact that we live in a country that may quiet possibly be incapable of change.  At least change for the better.  I have lost my hope.

Things like this seem to happen more and more frequently, hell it was only four months ago there was a mass shooting in my own community, but for some reason this one has hit me very hard.  I can't help but mourn for the families of the 20 babies that were taken away just a week before Christmas.  I can't imagine the pain they are experiencing at this moment.  I have shed more tears in the past few days than I have in a very, very long time.



As a parent, I have learned that sometimes it seems like all I do is worry but the fact that I am going to have to worry every day that I send Jack to SCHOOL, just seems so unfair.  It is becoming an ugly, hateful and scary world.  I will do everything in my power to shelter and protect my sweet boy but it breaks my heart that this is the world that my son is going to have to grow up in.

Happy Halloweenie

Our second Halloween as a family of three was much more exciting than the previous year!

Jack was "Max" from the book Where The Wild Things Are.  The costume I originally fell in love with was WAY too expensive so I went with the only other option on Amazon.  When it arrived, I was terribly disappointed by its quality, almost embarrassed to put him in the cheap costume.  However,  a week before Halloween I stopped by Pottery Barn (where I had found the original costume) and it was marked down 50%…..and the one I picked up was the last one AND his size!  The karma gods were smiling on me that day :)

The final result was AMAZING!!!

A few days before Halloween, I made him wear the hat where ever we went (he's really into hats but very particular about them!)  So when the big day came he was all about his "Halloween Hat".

(Before he would allow the "Halloween Hat")

We just went up and down the block and met a bunch of new neighbors.  Jack was AWESOME!  I was very surprised with his eagerness.  Whenever we passed a house without its lights on he would get upset and every candy bowl that was placed in his reach was attacked by his furry little hands.  It was very cute :)

 Jack-  The King Of All Wild Things

Happy Halloweenie….and good bye fall!

Lindsey

Two

Jack is getting to be that age where I am getting a lot of questions regarding when Baby V 2.0 is going to make an appearance.  Truth be told there has been some talk about it between J and I and the jury is still out!

I am an only child and I have always felt like I am missing out on something special.  The relationship and bond between siblings is just something I will never be able to fully understand.  I look at siblings who don't talk much or just flat out hate each other and I wonder how that is possible!  Granted personalitlies can collide but at the end of the day that someone is a part of you, a person with whom you closely shared your childhood with.  I'm getting off subject here, point is I really want Jack to be a brother.  I want to witness my children's relationship.

However, I am terrified.  Not of being pregnant or L/D…the truth is, you really DO forget the ugly parts.  I am afraid of what comes after.  The part that no one warned me about or if they did I wasn't really listening.

After Jack arrived, my hormones were out.of.control.  And that really scared me because I was in no way prepard for the spiraling feeling that consumed me.  To be very blunt, it took me several weeks to really fall in love with Jack.  Don't get me wrong, I instantly had this maternal instinct to protect and care for my baby but it took me sometime to fall madly in love.  I was really ashamed by this for a long time but now I realize that I wasn't alone in my feelings, a lot of mothers have a similar experience.

I'm also scared of the stress.  Life with Jack was far from easy for the first 6 months.  He was colicky the first 11 weeks.  Then he was getting up 5-7 time a night.  At 9 months, he finally slept through the night for the first time.  It is terrifying to think about how sleep deprived I was…I look back and truly don't know how I got through it.

And finally, having a newborn put a lot of stress on my marriage.  I questioned my self and my spouse.  We were not one of those couples that effortlessly entered into parenthood.  I placed unfair expectations on J.  We both struggled and at some point we stopped doing the one thing I was alway most proud of us for….we stopped communicating.  But we never stopped loving each other and that is the thing that has lead us to work, every single day, on making our relationship a priority.  We have come so far and I feel that we have found harmony and peace in our marriage again.  Nonetheless, I can't help but be scared.  Did we learned from our mistakes the first time around?

Despite all of my fears, I can't ignore the desire deep inside of me.  It's like someone has turned on my "clock" again.  But as a wife, mother, and woman, I realize that I need to weigh my wants versus my needs in order to decide what is best for the family I already have.

Lindsey