July 19, D Day, came and went.
As much I was anticipating/hoping he would arrive in the weeks leading up to my due date, I can't say that I'm entirely surprised he was past his due date. I've been saying all along, he has his own agenda.
At my 40 week appointment, they hooked me up to the monitor to check baby's vitals and my contractions. Everything was normal. They offed to check me for dilation and sweep my membranes. I didn't really see the point. I could be 5 centimeters and not go for another week and the sweep isn't guaranteed to do anything. I trusted that my body knew what it was doing and he would come when he was ready so I declined for both. I would go back twice a week and at 42 weeks we would talk about induction. Just saying the "i" word made me nervous.
Fast forward 3 days.
Saturday, July 22, I woke up around 4:00 am to use the bathroom. I couldn't go back to sleep so I went downstairs around 5:00. It was a cool, rainy morning so I decided to have breakfast on the porch. I sat out there until a little before 7:00, just enjoying the sound of the rain and watching the day break. It was such a peaceful morning. I remember thinking, "I just want to be in this moment and soak up the quiet before the storm." How prophetic of me.
Since it was a Saturday, I went back to bed for a few hours and when I got up Carole (who had spent the night) was getting ready to head home. She asked how I was feeling and I said that I felt about the same that I had been...fine but having random contractions. I told her it was fine to go home and would let her know if and when I thought it was go time.
Around 10:30, we had a surprise visitor. My dad showed up with a box full of donuts, ready to go to Jack's t-ball game. Unfortunately, it had been canceled because of all the rain so I talked them into doing the next best thing....helping to organize the garage!
We had bought a new car the day before to accommodate our growing tribe and needed to make room for a longer vehicle. So they spent the next, few hours running to Home Depo, setting up shelves and organizing. And I sat in a chair and watched!
By 12:30, I was still having contractions. Nothing painful but they seemed to be coming more regularly and I was having pressure so I started to time them.
By 2:15 they were about 5 minutes apart, with an occasional 3 or 7 minutes and even some coupling. I called the midwives, they told me I could come in but I wasn't in much pain so I opted to stay home a little longer. The irregularity of the contractions reminded me of my labor with Jack and I wasn't in a lot of pain like labor with Leo so I was still doubting this may be the real thing.
J got home from his second trip to Home Depo around 3:00. I was having 40 second contractions every 3 minutes, with lots of pressure in my bum and uncomfortable enough that I needed to stop and take a deep breath. It was time to go.
Opa was still at the house so he was on Jack and Leo duty while we headed to the hospital.
We got to our room around 3:30 and when they checked me I was at 3-4 cm. My expectations for
this L/D were....zero. In a perfect world, I would not have an epidural but I knew to be realistic and my plan was that I didn't have a plan. I had the option to labor in the tub and have a water birth if I could make it that far without an epidural. I was still feeling good so I said "fill'er up!".
My super unpleasant LD nurse was hooking me up the baby monitor when suddenly I felt something warm trickle down my leg. My water had broken and now it was game on.
My contractions started coming fast and hard and I assumed my usual birthing position; down on all fours with my eyes closed. By 4:15 I was starting to feel the urge to push but I was only at 8 cm. The next 45 minutes or so are a blur but I think I started actively pushing with my midwife a little before 5:00....this is also around the time that I said I was ready for the epidural. Needless to say, that window had closed and I was getting the all natural birth experience I had always hoped for.
After a few contractions, I had his head out and fully expected the body to quickly follow. But suddenly there was a rush of activity around me and the energy in the room became tense. For some reason my eyes were still closed during all of this and my midwife began yelling for me to stop pushing. Someone was told to push a button. I could hear a rush of bodies and new voices enter the room. Suddenly someone was climbing on the bed with me and the midwife told me I needed to follow her instructions. My new bedmate was now pushing down on my belly as the midwife directed me.
"Push!"
"Stop!!!"
"Just a little push!"
"Stop!"
This went on what felt like an eternity but in reality was probably only a few minutes.
I was scared and confused and kept yelling at the person pushing on me to get the fuck off. But suddenly he was out. After a beat, I finally opened my eyes and instead of placing him on my chest, they quickly cut the cord and rushed him off. I just laid there, exposed and shaking, thinking "what in the fuck just happened?!"
I looked around and finally saw J off to the side, with tears in his eyes. "Why isn't he crying? Is he okay? Why isn't he crying?!" I asked.
"What just happened?!" My mind kept screaming.
Again, eternity passed in just a few minutes but finally, FINALLY, the sweet cry of a newborn broke through the tension that still filled the room.
Once baby boy Voigts (BBV) was in the clear, my midwife came over and told us that his shoulder had gotten stuck behind my pubic bone (called shoulder dystocia). Fortunately for all parties involved, they were able to get him out quickly and neither of us sustained any additional injuries.
However, emotionally J and I were not expecting that situation and both of us were shaken up.
After delivering Jack and Leo, I felt like Superwoman. I was fierce. I was a badass. But for some reason after delivering my third son, I felt like I had somehow failed. Even though this was my one birth 100% drug and intervention free, I didn't have that fierce feeling. In retrospect, I need to cut myself some slack. Jack was 6 lbs 9 oz....this boy came out at a 8 lbs 11oz. He didn't get stuck because of something I did or my midwife did, he was just the maximum size I could birth.
Big brothers came to visit just a few hours later. It was so wonderful to have that experience so quickly. They were both excited to become big brothers and I will never forget the excitement and curiosity on their faces.
Being the first baby born in Illinois meant that we had instant visitors. Within 24 hours, he had met all of his grandparents! It meant so much to me to have our parents be able to share in the first hours of his life with us.
We spent 2 nights in the hospital because as a seasoned Mom, I now know to take the extra help when I can. He slept the first 24 hours straight! I could hardly wake him to eat but for the few minutes he did wake he learned to latch very quickly and breastfeeding started without incident this time (thank goodness!).
The time we spend in the hospital, after all 3 births, will always be some of my most cherished memories. I don't know what it is. It's like I'm in this bubble where nothing else in the world exists and I am in pure awe of what has just happened. I replay the birth over and over. I physically feel like I have been hit by a bus but looking at this new person, and wondering how in the hell he ever fit inside of me, makes the pain fleeting. Those first few days make the last nine months worth it.
Naming BBV proved to be more difficult than actually giving birth to him! Despite strongly encouraging us to settle on a name before we left the hospital, we just could not decide. On day 5, we agreed to Bodhi Finn. We finally sent out a text officially announcing his birth to friends. On day 6, I changed my mind. For some reason, my gut was telling me it wasn't right and it just felt more natural to call him Finn. Soooooo......welcome to the world Finn Bodhi Voigts!!!!
Leo doesn't start his new pre school until next week so we were down to a trio today. We managed to get some laundry done, get the car washed and then groceries. Doesn't sound like much but for me it was a big day!
