34 Weeks

Almost every morning I think to myself "I need to get a blog done today!" but by the end of the day my mind is complete mush and all of my brillant thoughts have disappeared.  So I apologize to my still-unamed-unborn son for not being as diligent as I was with your brother's pregnancy blog.  On the flip side, let's be honest here, I will have two SONS they will probably never even read this blog!

(Jack left- BV2 Right.  Even though I feel huge I'm about the same, just lower.)

So it's been about 8 weeks since my last update and my body is no longer even remotely my own.  I started to get uncomfortable around 30 weeks.  I have been sleeping fairly well (on the nights that Jack sleeps well) but there is definitely a "science" to getting my pillows perfectly positioned.  My heartburn was terrible up until about 30 weeks and I was having a lot of pain in my ribs and sternum but he has since dropped.  Being so low in my pelvis has caused a lot pain in my pubic bone and hips.  Walking long distances is out as is sitting for too long as my sciatic nerve acts up frequently and my once sexy swagger has been replaced by very distinct waddle.  Anytime I change postions I have to pee .  And I have continued to have terrible shortness of breath and dizziness.

On the upside, slow and steady has been the motto in the weight gain department as I am sitting at +18lbs, my skin has never looked better and (while my husband may disagree) my hormones have been pretty even keeled thus far.  Don't get me wrong napping is a beautiful thing but I am REALLY looking forward to the day when I can make it through the day without laying down.  Ah the 3rd trimester exhaustion….

On a side note, I have had the strangest craving during my 3rd trimester….dairy.  I could count on one hand how many times in the last 15 years I have a had a glass of milk.  Nowdays, every morning the first thing I do is drink a huge glass of chocolate milk…ahhh it's so good!  And once or twice a day I will indulge in a bowl or Breyer's Vanilla ice cream with chocolate sauce on top.  Again, I don't think I have ever bought a tub of ice cream unless I was serving it with a dessert for guest.  Cannot get enough dairy!

I FINALLY got the nursery painted!!! And over Labor Day weekend I was able paint and distress the dresser.  This week J will have to seal it and put on the hardware and then we are ready for baby clothes!

We had a little slap of reality yesterday.  Around 2 pm I started to feel strange. I was having a lot of pressure, cramping and contractions coming ever 10 minutes.  I laid down for a few hours and drank some water, thinking I had just over done it.  If anything I became more uncomfortable.  So we went for a nice long walk and fortunately on the way home I started to feel back to normal.  But J and I were a little freaked out for a few hours.  Now I am definitely sensing some urgency to get all loose ends tied up!  This boy will be here in no time…


Lindsey

Bracing For Impact

A girlfriend of mine commented on my last blog post.  She stated that she was sad I wasn't loving pregnancy they way I did with Jack.  Her words made me a little sad and mad at myself.  I am, by nature, pessimistic and sarcastic (not nesccessarily a winning pair of attributes) but her words made me stop and think "Am I putting to much bad juju out into the world?"

My blog, to me, is my outlet.  In life I have a tendency to over share and often forget to put on my filter (again not my most appreciated traits) and the words I share on this blog are no different.  Good, bad or otherwise I let it all hang out…well most of it, some things should remain tucked away in the privacy of my own snarky brain ;)

My instant reaction to her comment was "I'm not NOT loving this pregnancy."  Knock on wood, it's actually been super easy and I actually think my pregnant self is beautiful.  Then I dove deeper into my emotions and realized that I'm not letting myself enjoy being pregnant with BV2.  Why?  Confession time…I. Am. Scared. Shitless.

I am and have been suppressing the reality of our situation almost since day one, even though we made a very conscience decision to get pregnant.  After the initial excitement of finding out we were having another baby had faded, I started to remember how hard it was with Jack.  Eight weeks of a dreadfully colicky baby.  Months and months and months of practically no sleep.  The breakdown of communication and teamwork in my marriage.  I'm crying just thinking of this extremely stressful and trying time.

Life is full of ups and downs but this period was particularly hard for me.  And I am terrified of having to go through it again.  How do I deal with the stress of a newborn while having a very active and strong willed 2 year old?   Everyone says the second time around will be different but I'm not going to place all of my eggs in that basket just yet.  This would be the pessimistic side of me…I feel like I am bracing for impact, mentally preparing for the worst.  And that is the ugly truth.

Odds are this will likely be our last baby therefore my last pregnancy.  This chapter of my life is quickly coming to a close...makes you realize how fleeting life is.  So I know that I should be over the moon about welcoming our new son into our lives but my fear is getting the best of me.

However, I see that it is time for a change of attitude.  Yes, this is going to be hard, I have to accept that BUT we have something new on our side this time around….experience!!!  We found our way to the other side once before, I have to have faith we can do it again.

Lindsey

26 Weeks

(Ok I'm a week behind publishing because yesterday I actually hit 27 weeks, hello 3rd trimester!!!  #lifegetsintheway)

26 weeks and I have accomplished…nothing.  I stopped reading the "baby books" about 10+ weeks ago.  Birthing classes and birth plans, eh whatever will be will be.  The nursery is currently without a dresser, a chewed up crib I was going to fix and has basically become a catchall for random crap.  And baby boy is nameless with no possibilities in sight.

But every week I can feel him getting bigger and bigger.  Gentle nudges are now strong punches and the occasional hand/foot/knee/elbow can be felt sharply pressing against my hand (kind of creeps me out BTW).  He got the hiccups for the first time last night at 4 am.  At first I thought "Awe! I remember when Jack did this!" but 10 minutes later I was just annoyed that it was keeping me awake.

He's in there and he keeps reminding me throughout the day and night and it's a good thing because I would probably forget otherwise!

It just amazes me how the second time around is SO much different than the first.  Overall the bodily experience has been very similar to my pregnancy with Jack.  Heartburn, shortness of breath, hair loss, craving sweets but this time I am so much more tired.  Guessing it has something to do with the two year old I'm chasing around everyday.  But I rest when he naps and life is good.  Other than that, completely different experience.  The excitement of the unknown is lost after the first one.

I've given myself until 31 weeks to remain oblivious to this pregnancy.  At that point the hectic schedule of summer will be dying down and it is go-time for nesting.

So here are the highlight of 26 weeks:
*  Sleeping sucks.  As I tossed and turned the other night J looked at me and said "You always look so uncomfortable." Ya think!  I miss sleeping on my stomach and not having to need a halo of pillows around me.
*  Frequent urination.  This has actually not been a problem until recently.  Last night I got up 3 times :(
*  Dizziness, shortness of breath and dehydration.
*  Up 9lbs…yay.
* Restless leg
* Lots of Braxton Hicks contractions

I know from this point on the one thing I will struggle with the most is that fact that I am now physically limited.  This is very frustrating for me.  The shortness of breath and dizziness (get this, occurs even when I'm just sitting down!) make me feel helpless.  And picking Jack up is really getting difficult, thankfully he's a small fry or else it would be completely out of the question.

I really can't complain too much because I know that it could be so much worse.  I'm not "over" pregnancy yet but I see it looming on the horizon.

Lindsey

22 Weeks Etc.

(This was written before the hospital incident.)

I have recovered from my melodramatics from my last blog.  Honestly, once I put my disappointment out there and allowed myself to be sad, I was able to start getting on board with my new BOY.  And yesterday, I saw two brothers playing together and I got really excited for the first time.

(Left Jack-Right BV2)

I am 22 weeks (almost 23 now) and over the half way hump! We are cruising right along and I told J the other day that October is going to be here in no time.  Now that I am well past the first trimester and have had time to adjust to the changes of pregnancy, I must admit that I am enjoying pregnancy glow.  However, yesterday I had to buy a new bra and was a little shocked (and annoyed) by my new assets!

(Pardon Mr. Crabby Pants, couldn't even bribe a smile out of him.)

I'm up about 5 lbs, starting to look and feel pregnant but I'm still getting around pretty well.  I've been slightly annoyed because my clothing options are very limited (maternity wear is pretty awful) and it kills me to spend money on maternity clothes.  It was much easier to dress up the bump with a winter pregnancy!  Little brother is moving around like crazy and J was finally able to feel him last week :)

Jack's first year of montessori school came to an end in May.  It was sad to say good bye to his teachers and friends however he will be in the same class in the fall but with many new kids.  The exciting part is he will be one of the older kids in class which I think is going to help him be an awesome big brother (FYI- Montessori schools group kids in varying age groups.  He is in the toddler class which is from 18 mths to 3 yrs and next winter he will move up to the primary class which is 3 to 6 yrs.)

This week, we celebrated our one year anniversary in our new home.  Fastest. Year. Ever.  It was one of the most positive decisions that J and I have ever made and every time I drive down the gorgeous, tree lined parkway I smile.  We both are amazed by how much the move from the suburbs to the city has improved our attitudes.  This is exactly where we are suppose to be.

A few weeks ago, we got together with J's brother and family and took the kids on a train ride up in Georgetown.  Little boys LOVED choo choos!

(Talking about "choo choos")

 (Cousins- Jack and Henry aka "Huge cheese-balls!")

And in order to keep ourselves busy this summer, I have signed Jack up for a music class and a Saturday morning soccer class.  Soccer started last weekend and while it's not really "soccer" (let's face it, 2 year olds don't really understand the concept of offense and defense!) it was adorable to watch…and they get to wear uniforms!  It was an interesting glimpse into my future as I'm sure our boys will be some kind of athletes and it sounds silly but it made me feel so old….WOW I'm a Mom ;)

(It's official…I'm a soccer mom!)

Lindsey

Grateful For Today

Yesterday was a day.  It was one of those days when you wake up in the morning you feel well rested and ready to start your day!  But by the time you put your head back on your pillow at the end of the day you think to yourself "WOW…that is not where I saw my day going."

This day began where it seemed like every one I encountered whether it be at the store or on the road   had zero regard for anyone else and gradually it turned my great mood into a sour one.  I then went to pick up Jack where he immediately put a smile back on my face by excitedly shouting to anyone who would listen "My mommy is here, my mommy is here!!!" as I walked up the path.  When we got back to the car, I saw that during said shitty morning out someone had left a huge dig on my passenger door.  Bad mood back.

So I decided that I was going to make this hot, crappy day better by enjoying the simple things in life…like watching my son happily play at a nearby splash park.  The "splash park" is basically a bunch of fountains that come out of the ground that the kids can run through and play in.

He was having so much fun, within minutes he was completely drenched and I was happily watching his pure joy.  There was a class of older kids (8 or 9 years old) there also, running back and forth.  One of them ran into Jack.  He fell but was fine 5 seconds later.  Then I watched as another kid plowed into a different little kid, they both hit the ground hard.  At this point I was annoyed that the teachers weren't supervising better.

I was looking around and watching the unruly kids when suddenly I heard a loud cry.  That cry belonged to me.  It was MY baby.  I sat for a second not knowing exactly what had happened to him and thinking he would bounce back just as he had before.  But he didn't.

I ran through the fountains and scooped him up.  He was hysterical and wouldn't put any weight on his foot.  I instantly though maybe it was broken but nothing looked out of place.   He would not calm down which is extremely unusual for him.  We ran back to the car and I drove home debating if I should swing by the local pediatrician to see if something was broken.  When I asked him what hurt he kept saying his head, this immediately put me on alert.

Five minutes later we were home and he just seemed...off.  I laid him down to change his clothes and he became really still, staring of into space.  I said, "Jack…Jack…Jack. Jack! JACK!!!"and kind of shook him a little bit and his eyes slowly drifted back to mine.  I immediately started to get really nervous.  As the person who knows him best this was not my kid.  I don't consider myself an alarmist  but something was wrong.  I made the snap decision to take him to the ER.  I called J in a panic and told him to meet me at Children's.

That was the scariest drive of my life.  I kept talking to him, trying to engage him.  He was awake but not responding to me.  I had never seen him act like this before and I was in a total panic.  All I could think was, he fell, severally hit his head and something horrible is going inside his head to change his behavior so drastically.

We pulled up to the ER and J was already there.  I told Jack, "Look there's Daddy!" and for the first time I got some kind of reaction out him.  We got him checked in, he found the toys and slowly a glimpse of "normal Jack" returned.  After a two hour wait, besides being tired, he seemed back to normal and I started to feel silly.  We were then moved back to a room, where Jack and I immediately laid down on the bed and he fell asleep within minutes.

Eventually the doctors came in, heard what happened and checked him out.  They concluded that he probably had a mild concussion based on the fact that he had such a drastic personality change but he would be fine.

By this point, I had pretty much deduced this myself but the doctor made me feel so much better when she told me, "If this was my son, I would have brought him in too.  If you hadn't and something bad would have happened, you would never have forgiven yourself."  And she was totally right.  Better safe than sorry, especially when it comes to your kid.

Today, he's totally back to normal and my love and patience seem to be endless.  Yesterday was the reminder that even though we have our good days and our bad days I couldn't go on breathing if anything happened to him and every moment with my son the most beautiful gift I have ever been given.

We laid in bed last night talking about the day's events.  J and I have a good life which we often reflect upon.  We are fortunate but we also realize that nothing in life is guaranteed therefore nothing should ever be taken for granted (as I parent I see how exceedingly true that is).  Sometimes we feel like we "are waiting for the the other shoe to drop."  For a moment, it felt like that was exactly what was happening.  So today I am thankful that yesterday was yesterday, today was today and Jack is Jack.

Lindsey

Confession

I'm going taboo in this post but it's my blog and I'll over share if I want!  I need this outlet...

Flashback about 6 weeks ago…We are at our 12 week ultrasound, I take a leap and ask if they can tell a gender.  I know that this is SUPER early and nothing is guaranteed but when I was pregnant with Jack they said boy and 8 weeks later he was still a boy!  But this time the tech says "I'm 90% sure this is  a girl!"  The tears instantly start flowing and I'm overcome with an emotion I never expected…I was overjoyed to become a mother to a little girl.

I had this weird feeling #2 was going to be a girl and now it was 90% confirmed.  I began imagining this whole new adventure we were going to embark on with our little girl.  We were going to end the "building our family" chapter of life with a little boy and a little girl to share the rest of our lives with.

With all that in mind, fast forward 6 weeks to Wednesday.  You can imagine my utter shock when I could quite clearly see without being told that our little girl was really a little boy.  Going into the appointment I KNEW that there was a good chance, about 50/50, that BV2 could end up being a boy.  I told J on the ride over "I just don't want to feel disappointed.  I don't want to feel that way about my baby."  So when we got back in the car after the appointment and I said "I'm disappointed", I immediately felt ashamed of myself.  I went to Macy's after the appointment to find a "Little Brother" shirt and as I walked through the little girls clothing it took everything I had not to break down into tears.

In the past I couldn't understand when others were disappointed by the gender of their heathy child and now I was that person.  Our son is completely healthy and that it the only thing I should be thinking, instead I feel like a spoiled child who isn't getting what she wants.  Life has thrown me a curveball and I was not prepared.  But the GUILT of having these feelings is actually so much greater than my disappointment and that is what has knocked me of kilter.  I never thought I could feel this way.  I didn't realize having a little girl was SO important to me until a few days ago.

The night we found out, I talked to my sister-in-law (mother of 3 boys) and she went through the same experience with her last pregnancy 9 years ago.  After she heard we were having another boy, she immediately reached out to ask if I was ok with this news. 

She understood.

And the best thing she said to me, that anyone could have said to me, was "It's ok to be sad.  And you have let those emotions out.  In order to move on, you have to grieve."  She wouldn't change a thing now and I know that someday I will feel the same.

The thought did cross my mind that we could have another baby someday but I don't want to "go for a girl".  If ever we decided to have another baby, I would want it to be because we want another baby…girl or boy.  I can't imagine feeling this way again.

Here I sit, 2 days later, feeling better.  I've had time to let it sink in and have a good shower cry.  Just being able to talk about it with J and be honest about my feelings has really helped…I don't internalize my emotions very well!  And last night during bath Jack looked at me and asked "I wrestle little brother?"  which melted my heart and then he proceeded to stand up and fart repeatedly while screaming out "I TOOTED, I TOOTED!!!!"  I was then reminded that boys are a whole lot of fun :) and my heart felt lighter.

IT'S A……..

18 Weeks and A Day for Moms

Happy Mother's Day!  We had a lovely and relaxing day.  J and J took me the Mother's Day brunch at the Brown Palace and it was wonderful!  Then we spent the day napping and hanging at home…couldn't ask for more :)

J and I don't usually make a big deal of birthdays and Christmas for each other but I told him that THIS day will always be important to me.  Being "Mom" is my number one priority.  I will be the first to admit that I am far from perfect and I often times faultier BUT it is my job every.single.day to make sure my baby(ies) knows that he is loved and protected.  It is my job to teach him while letting him learn for himself.  It is my job to make sure he sees joy, respect and communication in our marriage while showing him that mommy and daddy make mistakes too.  It is my job tell him I love him often while sometimes saying "no" just as frequently.  It is a never ending and some times thankless job but I know that it is the most import job I will ever do.  Some people may think I need to set my sights a little higher, dream bigger in terms of "job" but today and the foreseeable future this "job" suits me just fine.

On Friday, Jack had his first field day.  The school hosted a trike-a-thon to support St Jude.  It was a cute event to watch all of the little ones on their bikes and playing together (of course I cried as we walked together in the opening "parade").

At 18 weeks, I am feeling pretty good!  I have had a few dizzy spells and some nausea in the past week which leads me to believe that little bean is going through a growth spurt and I am doing a poor job at keep us both fed enough throughout the day.  I am still up only about 2 lb but I have a feeling that is about to change (as you can see, the bump has officially popped).  I've had some mild crapping and stretching and my belly button is getting shallow.  My body has reminded me in the past week "Hey you're about to get a whole lot bigger so you need to start being aware of your limitations!" 

We find out if bean is a he or she this week!!!  A little early but the next few weeks are packed and I was not waiting until 21 weeks!  Funny, in the beginning I truly did not want to know what we were going to have.

For the longest time I was absolutely positive it was going to be a girl (I had the same very strong feeling about Jack).  But Jackers keeps saying "brother" so now I'm thinking he may have a little sibling intuition!  A part of me is wishing for a girl (I NEVER thought I would say that!) but for selfish reasons.  I know in my heart a boy would be more fun for Jack.  Honestly, either way I will be happy.

Cheers to an exciting week!
Lindsey

Becoming A "Big Boy"

It's time for an update on chicken nugget (aka Jack).

In the past month he has discovered the joys of movies.  This is not a habit I am going to push but I must admit I LOVE having him just sit for 20 or 30 minutes…never thought I would see the day!  At first, he would mix it up quite a bit.  Put in Toy Story, change it to Shrek after 10 min and so on.  However over the last 10 days or so he has been on a Lorax kick (based on a Dr. Seuss book) and we will watch the entire movie two or three times a day.   I don't know which scenario is worse.

(Helping Daddy with a little yard work.)

In February,we took a step back from potty training.  It was becoming an everyday  battle and this is not something I want to fight with him about if he's not ready.  He still wears underwear at school and after talking to the teacher today, he is apparently doing pretty well at school in terms of minimal accidents.

Thomas the Train is yesterday's news, today it is trucks, tractors, dump trucks, oh my!  The boy loves trucks, or basically anything with wheels.  We have this book that only has pictures of excavators, bulldozers, loader, etc and we have to look at it for almost every bed/nap time.  He points to the pictures and says "Waz that?"  Recently we have turned the table and ask him to identify the pictures and from a  grader to a mini loader to a telescopic boom (yeah, I was really impressed when he pulled that one out today!!!) he knows them all.

(Just hanging out with my tractors, watching a movie!)

Jack successfully completed his first 2 days in his "BIG BOY" bed!!!  I am kind of in shock about how well he did and I could not be more proud of him.  Nap time he stayed in the bed and after about 5 minutes of crying he was out.  Bedtime didn't go as smoothly but after a book from dad, snuggles from mom, and then more snuggle from dad we didn't hear a peep out of him all night.  Day 2 = zero problems!  I'm expecting us to hit some bumps on this road but as I said I couldn't be more proud of him.  I am so excited for him but a little sad for myself.  Another milestone has come and gone in my baby's life.
  

(Reading books in his big boy bed.)

After returning from our trip, he just looked bigger to me…like he had grown up so much in 4 short days.  It occurred to me then that he's really not a baby anymore.  He's becoming this amazing little boy who puts 5 word sentences together, likes to wear hats and absolutely loves to be outside.  When we tell him we love him, he says "Love you too!"  And whenever you tell him it's time to go he says "2 minutes?"  He's a feisty little thing and that's what makes him Jack.

 Lindsey

16 Weeks and a "Babymoon"

Justin and I went on a babymoon last week to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico.  We stayed at an all inclusive, adults only resort and really didn't do much beside sit by the pool, eat and sleep.  It was exactly what we both needed.  At first I had a hard time just sitting still.  I'm so used making sure Jack's needs are being taken care of that it was odd to just think about myself for a few days and just be still.

(Our daily view from the pool.)

(The hotel.)

(Me and my boo.)

Before we had Jack, I told J that we needed to promise that once a year we would take some time to go somewhere just the two of us.  We both realized that with the new baby on the way, this would be our last opportunity for quite a while.  It was great to just be Justin and Lindsey again for a few days.

Upon arriving back home, I receive the BEST welcome from Jack.  As we left the airport, I carried him back to the car and he giggled the whole way and kept wrapping his arms around my neck, giving me big hugs.  My battery has been recharged and I am ready to tackle motherhood once again!

I have to give a HUGE shout out and thank you to my dad (aka Opa).  He came to Colorado and watched Jack for the first time all by himself.  Honestly this is the first time in my Dad's life that he has watched a toddler by himself for any amount of time!  He did AWESOME!  I was never worried about Jack's safety or happiness but more worried for Opa because taking care of Jack one on one is a huge undertaking.  Long days and endless amounts of patience but in the end Jack was happy as a clam and Opa ended the week a little wiser and ready to go home :).  Thanks again, Dad, I am immensely proud of you!

Our trip allowed for a little over indulgence in the food department and I have officially started to put on the pregnancy pounds, up 2 lbs.  My hair loss is slowing down but I'm starting to get nauseous towards the end of every day and my old friend "heart burn"has come back (I don't expect him to depart for another 20+ weeks).  Other than that, keep me fed frequently and I'm a happy camper.  At the 16 week midwives appointment BV2 had a very strong heartbeat of 155 and we can have our appointment to find out gender in the next 2-3 weeks…YAY!!!!

It sounds crazy to me and, while not out of the realm of possibility, it is still early but I swear I felt the little bean moving yesterday.  Pregnancy puts me pretty in-tune with my body and what I felt was not a typical gas bubble or digestion.  I hope it continues, it was my favorite part of pregnancy before and such a great way to connect with the life I'm growing.

(Rockin' the bikini at 16 weeks and damn proud of it ;))

Lindsey

14 Weeks

I am 14 week pregnant today and I feel like I am falling apart, physically falling apart.  I was going down to bed last night, I completely missed the last step and came down hard on my left ankle.  As I laid on the floor in a fetal position, trying not to pass out from the pain, I was convinced I had broken something.  I finally let J carry me to bed and spent the next 45 minutes contemplating going to the hospital.  Since it was 11 pm and we were limited on options for childcare, I wiggled my toes and decided I would live to see another day.

Today my foot and ankle are swollen and very sore and I am hobbling around like a three legged dog.  I am a mother of a two years old, I do not have time to be crippled!  In retrospect, I am thankful that nothing seems to be broken and based on WebMD it's just a sprain.

Jack came home with a cold and nasty cough after school this week and since we share kisses, food and drink, as of 5 pm tonight he has shared his cold with me too (again).  My hair won't stop falling out AND it is April 16 and we have 9 inches of snow on the ground.  Winter.will.not.end.

At 14 weeks my mood is less than perfection therefore this post shall be short and sweet a little bitter.

On a happy note, BV2 seems to be cooking well and the genetic testing came back a-okay.

( And here is the official Facebook announcement!)

Lindsey (aka "Crabby Mama Bear")

12 Weeks

The first trimester is quickly coming to a close!  Seems like just yesterday when we found out…the second time is going much quicker.  This mama is feeling much better these days!  Honestly, the worst of it seemed to stop around 9 weeks.  The all day nausea and soul crushing fatigue have pretty much disappeared and those were the symptoms making life particularly horrid.

Much to my delight, my skin has been so much better this time around and my boobs are back way earlier (sorry Dad!) but my hair is still falling out enough to make me cringe every time I pick up a brush.  I am up once a night to go to the bathroom even though I am constantly parched and even though I haven't put on any weight yet my appetite is back with a vengeance and I cannot get enough carbs!

(12 Weeks)

We had our 12 appointment today.  After a quick check in with the midwives, we headed over to the perinatal department to have the first trimester screening ultrasound.  I had a hard time sleeping last night because as I remember from the last time around, this was a big and fun appointment.  Second time around did not disappoint!

There was an intern helping with the u/s so we were able to spend some extra time watching the "bean".  The baby was SUPER cooperative (which was a far cry from Jack's 12 week scan!) and we were able to see so much movement.  It was INCREDIBLE!!!  Once again I was brought to tears and in absolute amazement that this tiny little person was growing so perfectly inside of me.

Today was extactly what I needed.  I have been having a hard time "getting into" this pregnancy.  But watching BV2 stretch and twist made it real…finally.  This experience is something to be savored because it is so fleeting and I'm happy to finally feel connected to the life I'm helping to create.

(Obviously, head on the right and legs with knees bent on left.)

(Looking down on the top of the head- arm and hand on left.)

(Another great profile shot!)

And here was the most amazing part of yesterday, getting to watch our baby dance around.  I could watch this over and over!  Enjoy :)

Lindsey

First Trimester Bliss

(This post is a wee bit past due but better late than never so that I can remember all of the joys of early pregnancy!)

Feb 2

Here we go again!  I'm pregnant!!!

This isn't my first rodeo and it isn't coming out of left field but man when you see that positive come back it is still a bit of a shock.  In all honesty I've had about 10 hours to absorb this life changing news and it isn't close to being reality for me.  It's something that I have to keep saying out loud in order to REMIND myself that…I'm pregnant!

I took a test 3 days too early and it came back "Not Pregnant" much to my disappointment.  But yesterday I missed my friend so I tried again and in less than 30 seconds life changed.

I think I'm shell shocked.  Don't get me wrong I am excited because we did make this choice for ourselves but I think at the root I am scared shitless which may be causing the numbness I am currently expriencing.  Tomorrow will be a new day…


Feb 11- 5 Weeks 1 Day

Once again, I am amazed by how quickly pregnancy symptoms appears.  My pregnancy with Jack was relatively easy so I keep reminding myself that this time around may be completely different.  However, some of the familiar symptoms have already reappeared.  The very first thing I noticed (a week before I got a positive test!) was hair loss.  It happened before and it's happening again…a really scary amount of hair loss.  My hair is my thing, so this is a tough pill to swallow.

Super human smelling abilities, a short temper and anxiety are also back.  New experiences (so far) include occasional metallic taste in my mouth and bacon now taste like fish which is EXTREMELY unfortunate because I love, love bacon.

Feb 15

Holy hotmess of hormones!  By nature I am a naturally an easy cryer but throw in some pregnancy hormones and look out!  The smallest amount of sappiness in any situation will send me over the edge. However, today an unruly toddler is pushing me to my breaking point (and actually has been for about a week now).

Today I feel like I'm drowning.  Reeling myself in after I lose my shit, I remind myself "Take a deep breathe, remove yourself from the situation."  But holy crap, this kid is testing my very last ounce of patience.

Once my blood pressure returns to normal, I then feel guilty for yelling or sending him to timeout.  Constantly reminding myself that I am a horrible mother.

Bring on the tears again.  Damn, it's only 3:30.  I quit for the day :(

March 5- 8 Weeks 2 Days (1st appointment with midwives)


We had our first appointment with the midwives yesterday and by chance we met with Jen, she delieverd Jack and was alway my favorite of the three.  She was just as wonderful as I remember and made me feel very at home.

We talked, did a quick exam, took some blood and then we got to see the "Bean".  Seeing the little heart flutter started to make it real for me.  I was like "Hmmm there really is a baby in there (and thankfully only one!)"  While we were doing the U/S, J showed me a picture of Jack and I said "That is why we are doing this again!  Because the first one is so awesome."

And that is so very true.  While it hasn't been all sunshine and giggles, that's just life…nothing worthwhile in life is ever just easy.  But when Jack walks into a room and says "Hi Mama!!!" or "Lovvvve You" I have to remind myself THAT is why we decided to have another baby.

(The "bean" is the tiny blob in the middle of the black oval.)

Lindsey

Choo Choo Jack Is Two

Jack turned two on March 8!  It was a Friday and had a low key day because we had a big party scheduled for the next day.  As we watched the weather on Friday night, we decided it would be best to reschedule his party.  The forecast was calling for 8-14 inches of snow and a blizzard warning during the time of his party.  I was SO disappointed but felt it was best that we try for a better weekend.  Luckily at this age I just didn't mention it again and he totally forgot about the party.  The amazing 10 inch Thomas the Train cake went to work with J on Monday :(.

The "blizzard" turned out to be a major dud and the snow didn't even sick to the pavement.  I was less than thrilled.

Birthday party take two was scheduled for March 23.  And guess what…..ANOTHER snow storm in the forecast.  Come hell or a foot of snow this party was going to happen!  I was not wasting another cake nor the homemade Thomas the Train coloring books so I decided to have the party.  Most people didn't make it but a few of my good girlfriends whom I've know since I was pregnant with Jack, the Kamis klan and the Voigts family braved the storm.  It turned out to be perfect and I'm so grateful to those came to celebrate.

I'm noticing a pattern in my motherhood…it's really important to me to celebrate the day of my child's birth.  As I was assembling the homemade Thomas the Train coloring books for Jack's "friends" I wondered why exactly am I doing this?!? For the second year in a row (granted only my second years as a parent) I was making a big deal of his birthday.  I scoured the internet for the perfect ideas.  It took me days to finally decide what his cake is going to look like (this year I opted to BUY the perfect cake).  I stressed and had crazy dreams about trains and my car being stolen and not being able to make it to his party (don't ask)!

(Jack and his "girlfriend" Sydney!)

 (At one point they went off into this area by themselves and just hung out together, so cute!)

(Grandma and all her grandkids.)

(Jack was not cooperating for a family photo.)

However, as I was trimming the border of Thomas who graced the cover of the glorious coloring books, I realized why…because this is the kind of mother I WANT to be to my son.  I want to make this day, he will never remember, special because he deserves to have homemade Thomas the Train coloring books and the perfect cake.  In the grand scheme of life, I am aware that I only get so many birthdays to celebrate with him and I want to make great memories of the ones I am able to be a part of.

So happy birthday, Jack!  In two short years you have rocked our world and at the end of every single day (whether the best of days or the worst) I am grateful to have you as my son.  Thank you for being you, buddy.  I love you!

Mama

(Mimi got Jack a battery operated ATV for his birthday and it was a big hit!)