WE SURVIVED :)

Greetings from Illinois. We have had a very busy week so far but I will talk more about our trip next time.



I wanted to be sure and write today because Jack hit 12 weeks old and this seems like a pretty big milestone for me. I remember at 4 weeks, Jack was hitting the early stage of his colic and I was beyond hormonal and extremely sleep deprived. In the reading I did, everything said that babies usually grow out of colic by 12 weeks and I remeber having a break down because I swore there was no way I would survive the next 8 weeks. I KNEW he would grow out of it at some point but every ounce of my sanity was being tested and I didn't know how I was going get through this very difficult time. But as I have learned in my 12 weeks of motherhood....you just get through the tough times and find strength and patience you never knew you had.




So Jack is 12 weeks and WE SURVIVED!

Life with our little man has changed so much and he is an absoulte joy. He is smiling like crazy. He seems to have really found his voice over the last 3 days as he will have random bouts of screeching and squealing. It makes me laugh to hear his newfound talents. He has pretty much mastered head and neck control and he LOVES to "stand"...he's a strong little nugget. Jack really enjoys laying on his play mat and he is getting really good at reaching up and grabbing toys hanging above his head. I can't believe how much he has change over the last 3 weeks.




Jack is on a 2-3 hour cycle during the day of sleep-eat-play and at night he is getting 3-4 hours at a time. The nighttime routine has been key over the last week of being away from home. Between 8 and 9, I keep an eye out for sleepy signals then it's time for bath, swaddle, nurse if he's hungry and if he's not I still put him down. He has done so well at "putting himself to sleep". If he's not interested in nursing before bed, I can put him to bed awake and without any fuss he will lay in bed until he falls asleep.




It amazes me to realize how far we have come. As I said, there was a time when I never imaged I would make it to 12 weeks post partum but we are here and life is great. I also realized the other day that this would be the time I would return to work and Jack would head to daycare. I am SO thankful that I am luckiy enough to be able to stay home with him and any other children we may have. Thank you J for giving me this opportunity.

No we are NOT gun fanatics, inside joke ;)

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I couldn't be any more proud of the family we are becoming...

Lindsey

SWADDLE!!!

(This was written a week ago and I forgot to publish it...this seems to be happening a lot these days :)).

Ok I think we MAY have found the answer to Jack's nighttime sleep issue….reintroducing the full body swaddle! A friend of mine suggested this to me and I have been willing to try just about anything. The first night we was not happy having his arms pinned down in straight jacket style, night 2 I put him down at 9 pm and he managed to fall asleep on his own and only woke up 3 times (seems like a lot to some people, this was amazing for us!), and night 3 he went to be at 8:15 pm and didn't wake up until 12:45 am!!! Again some people may not be impressed with this but I was ECSTATIC :)



I think Jack is a light sleeper like his Mama and without the swaddle his arms were free to flail around and wake him up. Bringing back the "baby burrito" may be the solution to my nighttime aggravation. Fingers crossed….

Tomorrow morning Jack and I are taking a big step in our relationship…we are getting on an airplane for our first trip together. We are heading back to IL to visit family and Justin will be flying in a few days later. Deep down, I am freaking out. I absolutely hate flying and the addition stress of flying with Jack by myself just might send me over the edge…thank god for Xanax! Wish us luck!

Breaking in the Nursery

Last night was night #2 of Jack sleeping in his own room, night #1 in his "big boy bed". All in all it went well. He had no issues with the new bed (he has been sleeping in a small pack n' play in our room) and didn't seem to notice that he was in a new room. Mommy on the other hand had some issues that first night. I confess, I cried. The thought of having my little boy so far away broke my heart a little but deep down I know it's time because I couldn't go on with the old situation.

Basically for the past 10 weeks Jack has been up every hour or two at night to eat. There has been 1 time when he slept for 4 hours between feeding and a handful of times when he has gone 3 hours. Every night, Jack and I have been doing the same dance and by 3 am I am ready to pull my hair out. I have gotten much better at handling the sleep deprivation during the daytime but I can't go on like this forever so it was time to try something new.

Our pediatrician told us at his 2 month appointment that Jack should be going 3 or 4 hours (or even more) between feedings, when I told him he wasn't even close to that he suggested moving Jack into his own room. In his own room he isn't woken up by us and he can't smell me. So I finally decided it was time.

First night I got up with him alone which was every hour or two and he fed every time…by 5 am he was in our bed so I didn't have to make the long walk to his room anymore.

Day 2, I did some research and learned about nighttime weaning. Which makes perfect sense to me because at half of his nighttime feedings he's only on for a few minutes before he's asleep again. So last night Justin joined the ranks and we made it a group effort. From bedtime (@9:30) to his first feeding he went 3 hours! But then from midnight to 6 am he was up 5 times. I got up with him every other time so that he was only eating every 2.5-3 hours and J got up with him the other times to put him back to sleep.

Ok so granted he was still "awake" every 1 or 2 hours but not having to get up and feed him every time makes me feel like there is hope. I do feel a little bad having J get up but I'm afraid if Jack smells me he will want to feed every time….and let's face it, parenting is all about teamwork ;). Luckily, it seems like J only has to be up with him a few minutes before Jack is out again.

Overall, I feel good about this move. It has to get better….right?!



Lindsey

Settling In

Jack turned 2 months on May 8th. It's funny because I am amazed that our little boy is already 2 months old but at the same time those 2 months have been the longest in my life. I am so wrapped up in what is happening in this minute that it has been hard for me to reminisce about the days gone by or have any anticipation for the future. Motherhood has become easier and more natural but my motto remains "One day at a time…"



With each passing day, Jack's personality is beginning to emerge and he is developing and sharpening new skills. We had his 2 month check up last Monday and he is up to 10 lbs 15 oz (birth weight was 6 lbs 9 oz), 22.5 inches (19.75 at birth) and his head circumfrance was 15.5 cm (14 cm at birth). After careful consideration, research and discussion we decided to have Jack vaccinated on an alternative schedule and opted to omit a few vaccinations all together. This would be another major parenting decision that we can only hope we are choosing right for our son.


Unfortunately, Jack has not learned how to sleep through the "night" which at this age is considered sleeping 5 consecutive hours. We have had a handful of night where he has gone 3 hours between 1 feeding. My nights with Jack consist of a feeding every 1-2 hours. 2 hours of consecutive sleep I can handle, it's the every hour that is killing me. I have my fingers crossed that we will have this little kink worked out by July!



On a more positive note, his evening fussiness has gotten remarkably better (hopefully I'm not jinxing myself!). Don't get me wrong, we still have an occasional hour of nonstop howling and time when he wants to be held BUT he will not allow you sit while holding him….so annoying! Mommy and Daddy are beyond thankful that the colic, gassy, fussy phase is coming to an end.



These days Jack is smiling like crazy…a sight I absolutely LOVE! It melts my heart every time he smiles and giggles at me. It has taken sometime for life to settle down and for me to be able to truly understand the wonderful privledge it is to be Jack's mother but these days I can't image my life without him. It's impossible to put into words how in love I am…



Lindsey

Jack's Birth Story

I am going to have to have J read this and fill in the blanks because so much of this story is lost to me already.

Sunday, March 6, around 8 pm I started to have mild contractions. After about an hour we started timing them and they were coming every 7-9 minutes. I immediately got in nesting mode (started laundry, dusted the house, and assigned J to vacuum duty) while J immediately started to freak out silently. As we were wandering around the house I would yell out "Start!" and "Stop" whenever the contractions would come and J would use the contraction timer on his iPhone (love technology).

Finally around 12:30 am, exhaustion set in and it was time for bed. I continued to have mild contractions throughout the night and I was able to get some sleep. By 4 am the contractions were starting to come stronger and I would wake up for each and doze in between and by 6 am it was time to get up and get moving.

Monday, March 7. I called the midwives at 9 am and they told me to come in at 1 pm. It was the first cold and rainy/snowy day we had had in a week but we decided to follow our plans and keep my butt moving. That morning we went on several walks around the neighborhood which helped to keep the contractions coming a bit more regular. They were becoming painful enough that I needed to stop walking and start breathing through them.

At 1 pm, we saw the midwives and they gave me the news I was most dreading….zero dilation. But I had gone from 50% effacement to 85% and they did say that this was true labor. So something was happening but I was not happy with the news. They sent me home with an Ambien and told me to get some sleep.

The afternoon and evening continued with more contractions lasting about a minute and coming anywhere from 5-8 minutes a part. At 7 pm my doula, Catie, came over to do a massage treatment and the contractions were starting to come a bit more regular and more painful. Catie showed us/Justin some methods to help alivate some of the pain such as hip squeezes and using a robozo. The hip squeeze helped me so much and Justin and Catie basically didn't stop until 2 pm the next day. I started to labor in the tub and shower while Justin talked to me and squeezed my hips through the contractions.

I finally decided to take the Ambien and this is where things started to go down hill and my memory starts to get a bit fuzzy. According to Justin, I became very disoriented. The only thing I remember was feeling very confused, not knowing what was going on, and seeing objects that were not there! Justin called Catie back to the house at midnight and she found me on the bathroom floor, completely out of it. Taking a sleeping pill while having contractions strong enough to keep me awake lead to a very long night for Justin, Catie, and myself. After hours of drinking lots of water, we finally got my system flushed out and things were starting to come into focus again. From 3 am to 6 am, we all laid down and got some sleep.

Tuesday, March 8. I was up bright an early and the contractions were starting to get much stronger and came anywhere from 4-8 minutes a part. The three of us took a walk around the neighborhood and J and Catie took turns using the robozo (a piece of long fabric that is wrapped around my hips and twisted in the back, J would twist the fabric tighter as I would have a contraction in order to squeeze my hips) as we walked…I'm sure we were quiet the sight for our neighbors!

At 11 am my contractions were getting very strong and much closer together. The contractions began "coupling" at this point (meaning two contractions would come back to back with no relief in between) and I started to focus all of my energy on breathing through each contraction. By 11:30 it was time to go to the hospital because I knew that things were only going to get more intense and I did not want to take the 30 minute drive to the hospital any later.

We arrived at Swedish a little after noon. They checked me upon arrival and I was at 100% effacement and 2 cm dilated. The most clear memories I have from this time: having the bed propped up, kneeling and holding onto the back of the bed while J and Catie squeezed my hips, breathing deeply through the contractions and then my breaking point…The nurses came in to put in my IV (side note, I am terrible with needles) and I apparently have the worst veins for putting in an IV. While the nurse was sticking me for what felt like the millionth time, I had four back to back contractions. I felt like my body was splitting in two and that the contractions would NEVER stop. This was my breaking point…this was when the plan for a unmedicated birth went out the window. After 43 hours of laboring, I asked for the epidural.

It was a descision that I don't regret in slightest. I think without it I would not have been able to make it to the end and the thing we were trying to avoid the most, a c-section, would have been the end result.

Once the epidural took over, they broke my water and I was able to relax and finally get some rest.

Around 3:30 or 4:00 things started to get interesting. Whenever I would have a contraction, Jack's heart rate would drop so we agreed to have internal fetal monitoring used. Once they were able to get a better reading of his heart rate, things were not improving and the "c" word was brought up as a possibility for the first time. My midwife was concerned that there was not enough amniotic fluid around Jack and when I was contracting it was putting pressure on his umbilical cord and causing his heart rate to drop so we agreed to an amnio-infusion (adding fluid to my uterus through an intrauterine catheter to relieve the pressure on the umbilical cord). This seemed to do the trick and his heart rate evened out during my contractions.

Our next mountain came when they checked me again. I was only at 4 cm and Jack's head had not fully descended into my pelvis because he was at the same weird angle he had been in my entire pregnancy and his was starting to come 'sunny side' up which could have slowed progress even more. So the midwife attempted to turn him manually and internally…at this point I was beyond thankful I had opted for the epidural! Once again luck was on our side, he turned downward and this pushed me to 5 cm.

The midwife gave me 2-3 hours to rest and dilate. When she came back to check me at 8:15 pm I had only progressed to 6 cm. So at this point the new problem was that I was not dilating and my body/mind/spirit were starting to wear thin. Again the "c" word was discussed if I was not able to dilate. So once again we agreed to a dreaded intervention and pitocin (a drug used to help dilate) was started around 8:45 pm.

My epidural was starting to thin out and I was becoming very uncomfortable and I was starting to feel intense contractions. So when I called them in to talk about kicking up the epidural at 9:45 pm they also checked me. I was at 10 cm, +2 station (he was fully decended into my pelvis), and 100% effaced!!!! It was go time!!! I remember my midwife, Jen, was so excited when she check me and she rushed out of the room telling us she had to call the OB and tell him to turn around and head back home. Apparently the OB on call had given me all the time he was going to and he was on his way to the hospital to perform a c section. The pitocin certainly did its job!

I remember when they told me it was time to start pushing I just started crying because I was terrified. Not terrified of the actual delievery, I was so afraid that this next phase would be as prolonged as the rest of my labor and I just didn't have anything left in me. I couldn't take 2-3 hours of pushing, I was just exhausted.

They asked if I wanted my epidural refreshed and I said no. I knew that I needed to feel what was going on in order to be done as quickly as possible. When it was time to start pushing, I had mentally rallied. I was focused and ready. I was laying flat on my side and I could feel the pressure of the contractions and of him in my pelvis.

Pushing was the most incredible experience of my life. I felt in control and powerful. And after 50 hours of labor and 30 minutes of pushing, at 10:31 pm, Jack came into the world and into our lives.



In retrospect, the pushing phase was the most memorable part of my entire pregnancy and labor. Those 30 minutes were the most personal and life changing minutes of my life.



We worked so hard during my pregnancy to learn about natural childbirth, medical interventions and ways to prevent interventions and in the end we had many of the interventions we had wanted to avoid. However, when Justin and I were looking back at our labor experience we realize that it wasn't a intervention "snowball" but rather without the interventions I would have had a c section and in the end that was the one thing we most wanted to avoid.



I lucked out and had the midwife I liked the most, Jen, and I am beyond grateful for all of her hard work and advocacy. I know without a doubt, had I gone to an OB I would have had a c section hours before. And our doula, Catie, was invaluable to us but she offered a ton of support for Justin in our 2days of laboring and I thank her for her patience.

My biggest fear about labor was having a long labor…I was afraid of hitting 24 hours, never in my life would I have imaged I would go 50 hours. But in the end it all worked out perfectly and Jack and I made it through safe and sound. If asked would I do it again…..Absolutely! I couldn't image never feeling so much joy again.



Lindsey

6 Weeks

Our little sweet pea is 6 weeks old today! I can't even begin to describe what a challenge the past 6 weeks have been but last week I started to notice a "routine" beginning to develop during our days and nights which has made life seem somewhat normal again. The chaos of the first weeks was difficult for me because I like to know what to expect, I like a plan, and with this new person in my life, my days seemed to be a jumbled mess. But Jack and I are starting to fall into step together which is making this new relationship so much more enjoyable.



I hope I'm not jinxing myself by writing this but our days have gotten much happier. For a while I was very worried because he was fussy off and on all day and NEVER slept during the daytime. But he starts his days very happy and he is all smiles (which I LOVE!). He now naps around 10 am, noon, and a longer nap in the afternoon and he is eating every 2 hours during the day. And he is finally learning the joys of a pacifer….this is a great thing for now but I am dreading the battle of taking it away someday.

The good days are what get me through the bad nights. Jack has introduced a new routine to his 'witching hour'. For the past several days he is no longer fussy from 7-9 pm but he seems to get upset around 6pm for an hour and then again around 9pm for about 30-45 min. And then he's up every 2 hours or less to eat….I am getting better at sleep deprivation! It's amazing how your body can adjust to so little sleep but I am looking forward to the days when he can go 3+hours between feeding or even the day when I can sleep an entire night again!!! I haven't slept through the night since last July…won't that be wonderful!

Jack is becoming so much more aware of his surroundings. It's amazing how he responds to my voice and when you walk in front of him, he can now follow you with his eyes and head. Speaking of eyes, his are starting to change colors! They were steel grey/blue when he was born and now they are lightening up around his pupil…I think he might have green eyes like his mommy!



He is starting to find his "voice" too. He is cooing and starting "sing" like a little bird. And when he wakes up, he stretches and lets out huge grunts which are too cute! Jack has also developed a new cry during his witching hour which is a high pitched, wining, half-assed cry and it annoys the hell out of me! Luckily, J tolerates it much better than I do. But as I said, the days of smiles make the difficult nights worth it.

One day at a time...

It has been so long since I have written but everyday I think to myself I have so much to say about this time in my life and I just wish I had the time to sit down and write. It is 8:24 pm which means Jack is right in the middle of his "witching hour". Yep, we have one of "those" babies. I really didn't have any expectations of parenthood going into this and I knew in the back of my mind that there were going to be hard days….I just never imaged that there would be this many hard days.

As the days pass we are starting to see some patterns in Jack's behavior and I suppose you can say we are starting to get into a "routine". The hardest part of our day…from 7:30 pm to 9:00 pm. During this time Jack MUST be held. Not just held in a way that works for us, we MUST be standing while holding him and he MUST be held in a certain way (on our chest, facing outward, with an arm across his belly applying pressure).

Some days are better than others. For instances last night he didn't cry at all, he just wanted to be held and it was only 45 minutes before he fell asleep. And then you have tonight….where he started an hour early and he has been screaming practically nonstop. The frustrating part is that when he does stop crying for 2 minutes, you think it's over and then he suddenly starts screaming hysterically out of nowhere.

Call it gas. Call it colic. Call it karma…whatever it is, it is miserable and it is testing every ounce of patience and sanity within my soul.

And I think it is the same for Justin as well as myself. We know that he can't help it and we try everything we can to make him feel better but every night we all just hit a wall and the mental and physical exhaustion takes over.

A few days ago I had a breakdown and I just cried because I know that at some point this stage goes away (at least that's what everyone and every book tells me) but I just don't know how to get from point A (our current state of crying every night) to point B (approximately 6 weeks from now when this stage is supposed to stop). One day at a time….

All I want (all I need) is to have ONE night without the "witching hour" and one night where he sleeps more than an hour between feedings to recharge…..