The Long Good Bye

Spring 2016 (Settle in, it's a long one.)

Selling a house is really just a horrible, terrible, soul sucking experience and this was our third house in four years on the market.  I couldn't believe we were going through this again.


Prairie Meadow Dr. hit the market in April 2016.  Since it was only a year old, there really wasn't much I needed to do to prepare it for market except declutter.  Every time we move, I get rid of more crap...I love it!

My goal was to make it to Illinois before the Fall 2016 school year started.  It was really important for me that Jack start Kindergarten at the same time as his peers.

Our realtor was very optimistic the house would be under contract within the week.  I said three weeks.  It took 11.

Upon reflection, two and half months isn't bad, I just wasn't mentally prepared for it to take that long.

I knew our time in Colorado was limited and I was determined to make the most of the time left.  I made a bucket list of all the things I wanted to do with the boys.  Our date nights became a walk down memory lane.  Each time we would visit an area of the metro area we had lived, places we had frequented and homes we had shared.

In the spring/summer of 2016 we did a lot of traveling.  Fortunately, I love traveling with my boys.  The memories we make are worth the headache of traveling with children    In addition to three trips back to Illinois, we went on all the adventures outlined below.  Yes, it is generally exhausting.  Packing for four people requires a lot time and consideration on my part and most of the time I feel like I need a vacation after our "vacation."  However, as the boys have gotten older it HAS gotten easier and I know it will continue to do so.

For Mother's Day, we spent the weekend at Devil's Thumb Ranch in Tabernash.  We stayed in a cabin and it was the first time we had the boys sleep together...much to my surprise it was a success.  The weather was less than perfection but we stayed warm in their hot tub while the snow fell around us and followed it with a "refreshing" dip in the outdoor-semi heated pool.  We went for a few little hikes and just enjoyed the slow pace.  I cherish the time we get to spend in the mountains.

Saying goodbye to the boys' school was really hard...on me.  I had been so fortunate to find MCHD and the four years Jack was there were awesome.  The teachers were wonderful and truly loved and cared about our boys.  When we were having hard times at home with Jack, they reassured me that he was thriving at school and his dickish behavior was saved for me at home...which was a relief!  We all made some really good friends within our school community and our last day brought many tears...from me.

One of my bucket list items was a long overdue visit to the Cheyenne Mountain Zoo in Colorado Springs.  We decided to make a weekend of it and stayed at Cheyenne Mountain Resort.  The zoo itself was awesome.  By far the coolest part was the giraffe exhibit which they are known for.  I think I may have enjoyed it more than the boys! The zoo winds its way up and then down the side of a mountain and you can finish the day with a chair lift ride over the whole zoo.  It was a long day but definitely a weekend I hope to repeat someday.

I dread when the school year ends and I know the boys will be home full time but by the end of the summer we have found our groove and I am sad to see a new year begin.  This summer I wanted to do our favorites, the zoo and science museum, but we also branched out.  A few of my favorites were taking the new train system, the Light Rail, from our neighborhood to downtown.  One of my favorite spots in Denver is Union Station and in the summer they have fountains out front for the kids to play in.  So we brought towels and a change of clothes and let them go nuts.  

We also went to the Denver Botanical Garden.  Which I now wish we would have visited more often.  They were hosting Chihuly Glass exhibit around the gardens and it was really beautiful.  The boys found a giant hill and rolled down the whole thing, repeatedly.  Long ago, I let go of trying to dress them nicely or in expensive clothes.  They are rough and they are messy.  They are they very definition of little boys. 

Fourth of July, we did something we haven't done in a very long time and something we had never even attempted before with our kids....we went camping.  I did a lot of camping in Central Illinois and mountain camping is very different.  The threat of large wild animals is very real and it gets cold, especially at night.  But man, it's beautiful.  The boys did awesome.  Leo and I ended up sleeping on the ground most of the first night due to an unforeseen hole in our aero bed, J's beloved sleeping bag met a surprising and unfortunate demise, we were hit with some rain and by the end of the trip the boys were out of clean, dry clothes but overall I'd say it was a success.  Camping is one of those experience that you need to go in with need zero expectations and just roll with the punches.

The week after our house went under contract, we left for vacation in Georgia.  While the idea of having a regular vacation spot is appealing, I love trying new places for our family trips.  I had always wanted to visit Savannah but also knew that it was better for the boys if we were on the beach.  Fortunately, just outside of Savannah, there are several little islands. We settled on Tybee Island.  The Blair family joined us for part of the week and my mother in law and her sister came for a few days as well.  

Savannah was a beautiful town.  The moss covered trees and parks were not like anything I'd ever seen.  It was very much the old, Southern charm you see in the movies.  Tybee on the other hand was your run of the mill tourist town and while I enjoyed our time spent there, it's not somewhere I'd return to.  Nonetheless, a vacation together is time and money well spent.

I recently found this note on my phone that I had written our last day there:

This is what I want.  For one week of the year.  To buy junk food, over indulge my children and watch them play...free and unfiltered and wild on the beach for hours on end.  My skin at the end of the day is covered in a salty film.  My body tired from the air and sun and cocktails.  My heart, full.  Bursting actually.
As the sun sets behind us and the people slowly clear from the beach, we continue to play.
Their energy seems endless but I know as soon as we set off their little bodies will crash and burn.  I love the quiet moments before the inevitable battle. But their pure joy makes it worth it and I feel alive and at peace.

I love going to baseball games...the energy, the atmosphere, it's always exciting.  We have been going to Rockies games since I moved to Denver after a few years I knew that my heart and life would always be in Colorado so I hung up my Cubs gear and put on purple.  We were so fortunate that J's company was part owner of the Rockies and therefore always had incredible seats right behind the dugouts.  

This was the first time we had taken both boys to a game and we were fortunate enough to get tickets to one of the games that fell near the Fourth of July.  The Rockies lost but we had front row seats to one of the most spectacular fireworks shows I have ever seen.  I, of course, cried.  It was such a great experience and made my heart swell for my adopted city.

Saying goodbye is hard and we did it a lot.  I wish I would have been better at getting pictures with everyone but chances are I was crying and didn't even think about it.  But we did get to spend one more wonderful day with two great friends and their families.  I met Jen and Lisa when we were all pregnant with our first babies.  Between the three of us, there were eight new little people and they all got along so well.  I cherish our time with these families.  

And of course, we couldn't leave Denver without Jack saying goodbye to his first best friend.  Jack and Trenton had been at MCHD together since the beginning.  These two meatball were like to storms colliding.  They were both wild and had big personalities and often times our playdates would explode after 45 minutes because of butting heads.  But they loved each other.  

On July 15, the semi pulled up in front of our house the packing commenced.  We/I lucked out on this move, as everything was being paid for by J's company...right down to the packing.  I, alone, had packed every move we had made in the last 11 years so it was weird to have someone else pack up our belongings but I quickly let go of the reigns and enjoyed the reprieve.  It only took them two full days and then they drove off with all of the "things" that make up our life.

We signed our side of the closing docs a day early and hit the road in the afternoon of July 18 and arrived in Illinois late the next day.

When I moved to Colorado, I drove myself (and my future mother in law) out in a UHaul pulling my car behind.  I was 21 years old.  I had no clue who I was or where my life was going.  I was scared.  I was excited.  I was crazy. I was brave.  But it is a choice I will never regret.  I am so much better for the time I spent there.



It was almost exactly 11 years later when, with a UHaul in tow, my time in Colorado came to a close. I was scared.  I was excited. I felt crazy.  And with my car full of people I didn't have when I moved out, I knew I could be brave as long as we were together.

(My Colorado farewell on Facebook.)

Yesterday, I said good bye to my life in Colorado. 

When I drove my Uhaul out 11 years ago I didn't know who I was or where my life was going. But through the years, I fell in love, graduated college, got married, welcomed my babies, made endless memories and met some great friends. I may have been born and raised in Illinois but I grew up in Colorado. 

I know this next chapter is going to be a great opportunity for J and our family but it's going to be a challenge for a while. However, these are the things in life that make us stronger, better...and I'm up for the challenge as long as I have my three boys by my side.

My heart will always be deeply rooted in Colorado and I want to say thank you to all of the people that played a roll in my time there. You have all taught me something over the years and I am forever grateful. 

Wish us luck as we finish our road trip today! #illinoisbound #neversaynever

 Lindsey 

Never Say Never

January 2016

We were all settled into our house on Prairie Meadow.  We loved the house, we loved our new neighborhood, I finally felt like "yeah, we could be here for a while."  And then the unexpected happened.

We had known for a while that J's company was merging with a company based out of Chicago called Wirtz Beverage.  1/1/16 was the official date. They immediately started to rebuild the two companies into one.

J was the CFO of his company but that roll was being developed into something else.  He was offered a new roll/title, VP of Finance West.....or VP of Finance Midwest.  The West position would keep us in Colorado while the Midwest roll would require us to move to Chicago.  It was exciting and terrifying all at once.

The decision weighed so heavily on both of us.

On one hand, we were from Illinois.  Our families were still there.  I would bring the boys back to Illinois 3 or 4 times a year and I always loved giving them a taste of the Midwest and small town life.  J and I both grew up near our families and we both have fond memories of having those people in our childhoods, by accepting the new role we could allow our children the same opportunity.

But at the end of the day, Colorado was now home.  I had been there 11 years, J 12.  Our entire story had been written there...love, marriage, babies, familiarity, comfort, friends, happiness.  The culture and environment of Colorado had changed me and how I view the world so great, I wanted my children to be nurtured in that way as well.  I said I would NEVER leave and the last place I would ever go back to would be Illinois.

But here we were, making the choice we never thought we would have to make.

I decided to take the emotional piece out of the equation and make it strictly about business.  From a career prospective for J, what was the best decision?

As CFO in Colorado, J had hit the ceiling.  We always knew if he was going to keep moving forward in his career with the same company that would mean a choice down the road...do we stay or do we go.  We always thought the "go" would lead us to the east coast.  Neither of us wanted that.

As I said, Wirtz was based out of Chicago which meant all of their excutives would be staying in Illinois.  So by taking the Midwest roll that might allow J to keep moving forward in the company while avoiding a move out east.

In addition, moving to the Chicago office would put J face to face with the Wirtz executives.  He had already made a name for himself within Charmer but now he would be able to develop a relationship with the new half of the company.  In my opinion, this would present challenges that would allow him to professionally grow exponentially.

Staying in Colorado would mean a new roll, new responsibilities but no change in working relationships.  Which wasn't necessarily a bad thing.  He was extremely happy with the company and had cultivated very close relationships with his coworkers.

After weeks of contemplating what would be the best career decision, it was clear to me what we had to do.

J accepted the Midwest position in March 2016.

Happy 5th Birthday, Jack

(Written April 2016)

Dear Jack (Jackers, Jackie, Jackie-Cakes)

Happy 5th birthday, sweet boy!  First and foremost, I want to tell you how proud I am of you.  I try to tell you this often but just in case you forget...you are a wonderful person.  Obviously, I'm a little biased but somedays you even amaze me with your kind heart.



This morning I got up early to hop in the shower so I could go to your birthday celebration at school. A few minutes later, the shower door popped open and there you stood, full dressed for school (albeit your shirt was on backwards!) and a huge smile on your face.  You KNEW today was the day you've been waiting for and you were ready!

You are a social being (which thrills your more introverted parents) and over the last year and half you have been put in many situations offering opportunities to make new friends and you have exceed my hopes.  So much so that I actually have to limit how often you knock on neighbors doors because you would do it every single day.  Being an only child myself, it sometimes baffles me why you can't just play by yourself but I now realize that's just who you are being around others is what makes you tick.

You have been at your school for 4 years and next year you will move onto a new school with new friends.  Over the past 6 months your teachers have been telling me stories about what a great leader you are and how you are alway so patient and compassionate with the younger kids.  God, I hope this never changes.  My favorite story has been, on your "full day school" days you will sometimes help the teachers sing and rub the backs of the little ones who nap at school.  Melted my heart and made me tear up.

I know, next year, it will be sad to say goodbye to the great friends and teachers that have helped you become who you are today.  While I'm nervous for you because this was hard for me, I know in my heart that you will do awesome in kindergarten.

You learned to ride your bike, write you name and have started the process of learning to read.  A sippy cup of milk in one hand and your manhood in the other is STILL your security blanket.  It actually makes me sad to think that you will probably be giving up your "sippy" cups this year but I know that someday your wife will complain about you sitting on the couch with your hand down your pants so that brings me comfort.  Much to my chagrin, you are obsessed with the iPad.  Every day that's the first thing you do when you get home from school and every day you slyly come to me asking if you can get a new game.  You are totally a gamer!  You even introduced Opa and Daddy to new games that they like to play.  And every day, I take it away and tell you to go use your brain. XO.

For me, the most exciting change over the past year has been watching you become an INCREDIBLE big brother.  I often have people ask me how you and Leo get along and I say with pride "Actually, pretty great!!!"  Granted, there are times where neither of you has patience for the other, that's to be expected.  But, God, watching you two together is the greatest gift ever (I'm actually crying now thinking about it...you boys have made me so weepy!)  You help him with his shoes or getting a snack, when he's upset or hurt you hug him and ask in a sweet baby talk voice "What's wrong? It's ok Baby-Boo!"

When you are at full day school, Leo will walk around the house asking, "Where's Jackie?" and whenever you have friends over he will follow you around for hours. At this stage in life, Leo is your satellite but you handle him so gently (except when you two are wrestling like wild animals!).  He looks up to you so much and I hope, so desperately, that you two will always find comfort and friendship with each other.

Who are your best friends at school- Trenton, Emilie and Ella
Favorite color- Dark, dark black (a few months ago it was dark brown...weird, I know!)
What are you going to be when you grow up-  Scientist
What do you love to do with Dad- bowling

What do you love to do with Mom- go to the pool
What do you like best about school- I get to, like, have a snack.
What do you like best about yourself- playing and using my brain
What is your favorite food-shell noodles
Favorite toy- my cement mixer and stinky truck
Favorite show- Dino-trux
I am the best at- drawing
Favorite animal- elephant, hippos, giraffe
Favorite book- Jungle Book
Favorite song- Like the Ceiling Can't Hold Us
Where do you want to visit someday- the beach
Favorite thing to do with brother- wrestle and play
Are you going to get married someday- Yes, a new girl
What makes you nervous- cracking my head open (?----which turned out to be VERY serendipitous as just a short time later you indeed did end up cracking your head open)
What age do you look forward to and why? 6 because it's so old
What makes you happy- the sunshine

Jack...I love you.

Mom

#casadevoigts

April 23, 2015

On March 20, 2015, we closed on Prairie Meadow Dr.  The whole building process went over much smoother than we could have anticipated.  It was fun to make all of the interior selection for the house and our builder was really easy to work with.

It was the actual closing that was an absolute nightmare and was pretty much the cherry on top of a really long, stressful journey.  I have been trying to recall the exact timeline of our two days of "closing hell" but my mind seems to have repressed the details.

The closing of our previous two houses were fairly uneventful so we assumed this one would go off without a hitch as well....HA the universe had different plans.  In a nutshell, our closing was delayed three times and then cancelled twice over the course of two days.  In the meantime, we had packed up the apartment so we headed to a hotel.  We had to cancel our movers twice and reschedule all of the installation appointments that we had scheduled weeks in advance.

When closing was cancelled on the second day, I lost it.  All of the stress of the last 15 months pushed me off a cliff. I was frustrated, angry, overwhelmed and completely helpless.  We had waited for this day for soooooooooooo long.  This was a hard lesson in "best laid plans..." and the fact that you really don't have control over much, if anything, in life.

When we finally got to sit at the closing table, the situation didn't get any better.  What normally takes 45 minutes to an hour took us over 3 hours.  But at last we finally had the keys to our castle in hand.  We rushed "home" to let in our movers who had been waiting hours for us and began the long process of unpacking.

(Finally, in our new{est} home!)

Over the next several days, we were able to get all of our installations completed (window treatments, sound system, TVs hung, etc.), bedrooms set up and unpacking all of the stuff we had managed to live without for 9 months.  Makes you realize how little you really need in life!

Our house was the first completed on our block and entire street.  In fact the day we closed was the day they broke ground on the house next door!  Our lot was only 5,000 sq ft.  The backyard was tiny (which we loved) and the houses were right on top of each other (ended up not loving this so much). We didn't have any landscaping for almost 3 months and living in a construction zone was a challenge but we survived, we were finally home.

(Living in a construction zone was fun for the boys.)

          (Construction begins on our neighbors house.)
           



Willow Park East was the newest subsection of Stapleton (a neighborhood in NW Denver) and since we were one of the first people to move in, it was so exciting to see it take shape.  The pace of the construction and development of parks and pathways was incredible.

Looking back, I have to say it was all worth it. The hard times in life are the ones that give you an opportunity to make yourself better, a chance to really look within and find a new strength in yourself.  The stress put us back in bi-weekly sessions with our beloved therapist, Anne G (What?! You don't have a marriage counselor? Oh, you really should!), but we came through with a new sense of ourselves and each other.  Eight months after moving in, our marriage was stronger than it had ever been.

The neighborhood was full of young families, with children close to our kids ages.  Neither J nor myself are super outgoing people but it was easy for us to meet likeminded people and develop friendships.  We had finally found our niche.  We were happy.

(Finished product, landscaping and all.)

(Our view.)

 (Our teny, tiny backyard.)

 (Customized kitchen, with an awesome 9' island.)

 (Open concept, first floor.)

Lindsey 

The Aster

And so we began to do our time at The Aster.  

J thought we could do it for years.  I was less optomisic about our tight quarters but thought we could last the six or seven months until the house was completed.

We lasted two months.

There were several times I thought about getting in my car and just driving away (not forever but maybe a few months).  I KNOW it's possible for two adults, two small children (and all of their crap) and two dogs to live in a two bedroom apartment but we found it quite difficult to go from over 3000 sq ft to 947 sq ft.  It was horrible.  The time we spent in that apartment was almost right up there with suffering through all of the showings at the last house.

The boys had to share a room for the first time which also doubled as the "play" space because the living room and kitchen were one space (which as I look around now, my masterbedroom basically equates to the communal living space in that apartment) and there was no dining area at all.

The last two weeks we were there Jack was sleeping with us (see exhibit 1 and 2 below) because Leo still wasn't sleeping through the night and was waking up Jack.  It is truly amazing how this little boy could spin a full 360 degrees throughout the night.  No judgement to others but we don't do the co-sleeping thing in our house.

September 2014, the universe finally cut us some slack...a three bedroom townhouse became available at same complex so in order to save our sanity and our marriage, we moved (AGAIN).

While the townhouse was not the answer to all of our problems, it was exactly what we needed to get us through our limbo.  There was 3 bedrooms, 2 levels, a tiny kitchen, a place for a sofa/TV, even space for a card table to eat at and an attached garage.  We lived on a courtyard with a little playground right out our front door.  There were tons of families (many waiting for their homes to be built as well) with kids in the 2-8 year range and everyone was super nice.  If fact we made couple of really good friends while living there as did Jack.

It was absolutely perfect for the boys.  In fact, part of me knew that I would be sad to leave purgatory just for the social factor and the convenience of opening the door to let Jack out to play with all the kids.

The hardest part for me was my inability to keep the place clean and organized for more than an hour.  I am a stay-at-home-mom.  My house is my "office" and since I spend so much time in it, I prefer my home to be clean and orderly.  In my mind everything item has a "home" and that is where it should go.  I realize with kids that is an outlandish concept but not entirely impossible.  However, I quickly discovered I was fighting a losing battle in the townhouse and I needed to lower my expectations.

We tried to keep ourselves busy.  The boys and I went to Illinois for Labor Day, there was a trip to Florida in October, back to Illinois for Christmas and a few long weekends away in the mountains in the new year.  Having things to look forward to helped to make the time go faster and offered a distraction for our anticipation.

The new house was within a mile of the apartment so just about everyday I would drive by to see the progress.  It was very exciting to see it all come together.  Our time at The Aster went relatively quick until the last month, then the walls started to close in on me.  It was hard to pack the minimal amount of stuff we had in advance and I felt like a in a holding pattern surrounded by half empty boxes. (The photo below was of Jack's room and a packing area.  If you know me, you know this mess sends my anxiety through the roof.)

While updating the blog, I have been looking through all of my old pictures.  I take a lot of pictures...or at least I did.  During this time, I clearly needed a distraction so I remember that I was really working on my photography and trying to teach myself new things.  I am far from a professional but looking at these photos reminds me that I need to pick up the damn camera again.

Trip to Illinois over Labor Day 2014
- Boys saw their first Theresermans Parade, Jack visited the farm and rode in a tractor the first time

October 2014- Longboat Key, FL.  I could have an entire post of just pictures.  My "happy place" always turns lots of great photos.)

Fall 2014

Christmas 2014- Traveled back to Illinois to make the family rounds.  This trip exhausting at the time but I think that years and years of having to divide our holidays three ways has become the norm in my sub conscience   The off years when we stay in Colorado for Christmas or Thanksgiving always seem too quiet and anticlimactic.

And last but never least, our sweet boy, Leo took his first steps in December 2014!

Lindsey